Learning To Let Go Of What No Longer Serves You

The older I get, the more that I like to believe that I’m beginning to learn something out of this crazy adventure we call life. We all go in different directions when we grow. Life throws us all into unique situations, helping us connect and associate with like-minded people and, sometimes, not so like-minded people. But throughout all the experiences I’ve had and all of the people I’ve come in contact with, there is one lesson that seems to resonate: the lesson of letting go.

I know, easier said than done. Learning to let go is by far the toughest obstacle to overcome. Because we are not just talking about letting go of physical wants and needs, but of emotional, psychological, and sometimes even spiritual desires.

Holding on has only ever prohibited the allowance of change. If we don’t allow change to take place, then we are in a stagnant phase, where we are no longer growing in any manner. How can we decide to take on tomorrow when we cannot let go of yesterday?

There is a great quote that I like to return to time and time again:

“Resentment is like drinking poison and then waiting for the other person to die.”

And how true does that hold? When we resent, hold grudges, and remain angry about the past, we are not allowing our bodies, minds and souls escape from a stressful or aggravating situation. And this eventually takes a toll on our health, whether or not we realize it. We are expecting our anger, sadness, and frustration to hurt the people we are angry at. But in turn, we are really only hurting ourselves.

When I was younger, I had a lot of resentment and anger. So much at times, that it felt unbearable. I blamed outside sources for all the inconveniences in my life. I never thought about the possibility that I might be causing these very circumstances. I chose to remain angry, for years, at all of the people who had “put” me in these bad situations, for all the opportunities I was never given, and for all of the things I believed I couldn’t change.

A few years ago, I chose to begin life with another idea: the possibility that I am the creator of my own destiny. This idea was a major turning point for me. I chose to forgive those who had hurt me and take responsibility for the direction in which I would choose to lead my life. I let go of everything that was causing me pain and suffering or just holding me back in general.

Now, this didn’t happen overnight. And there were plenty of times where I still struggled with the idea of completely letting go. It almost made me feel like if I let go of all the hurt, then that hurt would never be recognized and all of the years I spent feeling bad would go unnoticed. It was as if I needed people to know that they’d hurt me. But this, I realized, was my sense of ego causing an emotional state that wore me down and buried me under self-pity and resentment. So, gradually, I let it all go.

Letting go of the ego has to be the most difficult part of the whole process. We relate and identify ourselves with this sense of self and find the need to protect and defend it to an end. But what if this constant inclination to tend to our own needs was extinguished? When we start to question why it is that we defend our ego, the world really starts to come into perspective.

You’ll find that most people who are optimistic are open to change, and have a ready-to-take-on-life attitude. This is because they have let go of past transgressions, both in themselves and in others and have concluded that the ego serves no purpose. They realize that these qualities will only hold them back from their full potential. There is no room for bitterness or hate when the world is constantly offering an alternate perspective.

There were additional things I realized that were harder for me to accept. One of these was the recognition that a lot of people who I treasured were the same people who were negatively affecting me. I’m not saying this in a selfish way, but when someone is continuously taking more out of you than they are giving, maybe it’s time to let go of those relationships.

A healthy relationship should always feel like both sides are putting in effort and give you an overall comfortable feeling. Often times, we don’t realize that the ones who are closest to us are actually the ones who are hoping to see us fail. If that’s the case, whether it’s friends, family, or a spouse, it is better to let go for your own health and happiness. If there’s no one like that in your life, then you’re already on the right path! Surround yourself with people who love you and help you be the best version of you.

Lets be honest, we are all human. We are prone to mistakes. Nobody is perfect and we all tend to dwell on things that would be much better forgotten. But that’s okay. The key is allowing yourself to realize and observe when you are dwelling on the past and when you are allowing it to negatively affect your future. Once you start to observe, you learn how to change your thoughts and change your perspective.

This is a difficult process, but one that is very attainable for everyone. Just know that you are not alone in the struggle, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Once you are on your journey to letting go, everything gradually improves.

It’s been a few years now since I decided to change the direction of my life. I can now look back and say I don’t even recognize the old me. It has truly been the most rewarding move I have made toward bettering myself and, although I am still on my own personal journey toward improvement, I can honestly say that I am happier now than I have ever been.

Let me know some of your thoughts in the comments below.

<3 Val