Undoing The Band Of Resistance

“Change is never painful. Only resistance to change is painful”

~ Buddha

My brother recently moved away to live out his dream abroad. It never really hit me how much I had relied on his presence until I was shockingly aware of the days leading up to his absence.

Every day became more and more difficult to comprehend as I tried to block out the fact that I wouldn’t be seeing him for a very long time.

I tried to spend as much time as I could with him before the day that he got on that plane. But no matter how much time we spent together, there was never really enough time. There is nothing that can be done to prepare you for goodbye. And although this goodbye was not forever, emotionally I felt that I was going through a deep loss.

I know that some may say that it is selfish to feel sad when I knew that he would be living out his passion. Let me be the first to say that I am beyond happy and supportive of his journey. But grief is a basic human emotion that comes with letting go of anything. And, personally, I have always struggled in the face of change.

Change can possess a person or it can strengthen them. If there is anything that I’ve learned throughout the years, it is that change is not something easy to overcome, but it can be something that is possible to move past.

Here are a couple of the ways that I’ve learned to move past the changes in my life.

Let Yourself Feel, But Don’t Let Yourself Drown

The weeks that followed my brother’s departure were painful. I felt as if the world was changing around me, and I had no say as to which way I was led. I had become accustomed to my brother always being by my side. And suddenly our lives were going in a different direction.

I felt powerless. And instead of accepting the change, I did everything I could to try to block it out. I resisted.

I went on this way and let it take a toll on my emotional well-being, feeling lower than I had in years and more alone than ever. I had isolated myself with the idea that the change that was happening around me meant that I was the only thing that was remaining stagnant and, in a sense, I would be left behind in sameness while the rest of the world moved ahead. Steadily, I let myself drown in these thoughts.

It is painful to feel life settling into a stagnant nature. And so sometimes it may seem easier to give in to all of those low, anxious emotions that we hold onto. In any scenario, enough emotional struggle can convince us that there is no more coming up for air. But eventually, we learn to pick ourselves up and start to breathe again. The water starts to leave our lungs and soon enough we are taking long, steady breaths again, pushing ourselves forward one step at a time.

Circumstances in life can feel unbearable at times, but drowning is not an option, and somewhere beneath the weight of the water, we are painfully aware of this. We may feel weighed down, but eventually we come up for air once more. We learn strength from our grievances, and the reminder of our distress is what pushes us to come up for air again and again.

Everyone has suffered, and almost everyone knows how it feels to have to let go of something that they hold dear to them. These feelings create the makeup of our humanity. Our ability to feel loss, pain, grief– this is our constant reminder that we are alive; that we can use these emotions as tools and in turn come out of every situation with new-found wisdom and perhaps a little more understanding of the world around us.

Appreciate Now

For years and years humanity has expected life to go on the way it always has. The people that we love have always been around, and we never really foresee that changing. Situations that have become routine to us are expected to remain a part of our every-day lives.

We begin to live in a cycle of comfort, where the days melt together, and our worlds are pillowed with sameness. Until one day something changes, and wakes us from this dream-like state.

It is only upon waking that we realize we had been asleep for so long, allowing life to pass us by, unnoticed. We all know that it is impossible to appreciate every moment. But it is possible to form a daily practice of gratitude.

Being the kind of person who has dwelled on the past for much of my life, it was an important realization for me to be mindful of the here and now and to appreciate all that life has given me in this very moment.

I spent so long being scared of the changes that life brought my way,  I wasn’t fully taking in and appreciating the time I have been given.

Sometimes we forget how much someone or something means to us until we are shockingly aware of their absence. As the old saying goes, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

I decided that I didn’t want to take anything for granted anymore. I decided that this moment is the moment that matters; that in this very moment I have everything that I need. And if it is all taken away from me tomorrow, at least I could say that I cherished it while it lasted.

Appreciate every moment and take in life to the fullest. Don’t let the ones you love go unnoticed. Don’t wait to tell people you’re here for them. And when change does occur, embrace it with beautiful insight on what the future has in store.

This is the only moment that matters. And in this moment we all have the ability to act or react to any given situation in any manner that we choose to. There is a definitive beauty about the present, and the most incredible part of it is that you are forever in it, living and moving and breathing steadily through it, which means that you get to experience all of it. So take it all in.

Acceptance

Accepting that my brother was no longer a simple phone call away was a hard transition for me. But instead of resisting the undeniable change that life brings, I know now that all I can do is cherish the time I am given.

Hardships happen in order to help us learn and grow. The changes that we go through are shaping us into a stronger, wiser, and more whole version of ourselves.

We are more adaptable than we give ourselves credit for. And with each new experience comes a newer and deeper understanding of what we can handle and whether or not we choose to learn from it.

Above all, don’t fight change. Change is inevitable. Change is what makes and creates beauty and ambition. It is the start to every adventure and the end to every journey.

Holding onto this concept has helped me move throughout the changes in my life in a more defined manner. My world today may not be the same world tomorrow, and that’s ok.

I know now that my brother and I have the kind of relationship where we will always be there for one another. And reminding myself of this helps me to not feel forgotten and to accept that there are some things that are out of our control, but life goes on just the same.

With acceptance comes peace of mind and body. I’m no longer fighting whatever may come my way. Every change that occurs is an opportunity to choose: do we fight it or do we let it be?

The choice you make could determine everything.